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How often do couples have sex? Is there a 'right' frequency?

Un couple habillé allongé sur un lit, souriant et se tenant la main, avec un sablier doré sur la table de nuit au premier plan

No norm to reach: what the figures and studies show, why frequency changes over time, and how to talk about it.

By Léa Müller · 6 November 2026 · 12 min read

Do you wonder whether you and your partner have sex often enough, or less than other couples? It is a common question. The answer is simple: there is no "right" frequency.

What matters is that it works for you and your partner, and that you can talk about it. This guide applies to all couples. It looks at the figures available in Switzerland on how often people have sex, and at what the studies say. It also explains when outside advice can help.

Key takeaways

  • No frequency is the norm. Several times a week, once a month or less: any rhythm can work if it suits you both.
  • Canton of Geneva, 2017: among people who had sex in the past 12 months, more than a third reported less than once a week.
  • Having sex more often does not automatically make you happier.
  • Frequency changes over the course of a relationship. In a German study, it fell on average after the early days, during pregnancy and with young children.
  • Not wanting sex at the same pace is common. No one is "the problem", and no one should force themselves.

🔎 Contents

  1. Is there a "normal" frequency?
  2. The figures available in Switzerland
  3. Does having sex more often make you happier?
  4. Why frequency changes over the course of a relationship
  5. When you don't want sex at the same pace
  6. How to talk about it together
  7. When should you talk to a professional?
  8. FAQ: your questions about how often couples have sex

Is there a "normal" frequency?

No. There is no number to reach, whether per week or per month. Some couples have sex several times a week, others a few times a year, and both can be happy.

The useful guide is not a number. It is how you feel about your intimate life: are you comfortable with this rhythm? Is your partner? A couple who rarely have sex and are happy with that have no "catching up" to do.

The number of times you have sex does not tell the whole story either. People have sex for many reasons: desire, affection, needing reassurance, wanting to please. Equally, you can feel desire without acting on it, because of tiredness or lack of time. So counting how often you have sex measures neither desire nor attachment.

Desire also varies from one period to another. A quieter phase does not mean something is wrong in your relationship.

The figures available in Switzerland

There is little Swiss data on how often people have sex. As far as we know, no national figure has been published on this subject. The only detailed source we found comes from the canton of Geneva.

The Geneva cantonal statistics office's analysis of sexual behaviour among people in Geneva (in French) draws on the 2017 Swiss Health Survey. It covers people aged 16 to 74, in a relationship or not. The table below has no "no sex" category: it describes people who had sex in the past 12 months.

Reported frequency Share of these people
Once a month or less 16%
Two to three times a month 20%
Once a week 25%
Several times a week 39%

So more than a third of these people (36%) reported having sex less than once a week. These figures have a margin of error of 3 to 4 percentage points.

They also have limits. They date from 2017, cover a single canton and rely on what people report. The document itself points this out: some people may adjust their answers to fit social norms.

As far as we know, no published Swiss data breaks down sexual frequency by age. If you see averages by age online, check where they come from. They do not necessarily describe couples in Switzerland today. And they do not tell you what suits you.

Does having sex more often make you happier?

Not necessarily. Studies have found a link between sex life and wellbeing, but that link has its limits.

A North American study published in 2016 on sexual frequency and wellbeing looked at more than 30,000 people. Among people in a relationship, having sex more than once a week was no longer associated with greater wellbeing.

This result does not make once a week a goal. The study describes averages: it does not say what suits your relationship. It also shows an association, not cause and effect.

Other research tested the question differently. In this American experiment, published in 2015, half of the couples were asked to double how often they had sex. The result: these couples were no happier. The authors suggest a possible explanation: a drop in desire and enjoyment.

In other words, setting yourself a number to stick to does not guarantee you will feel better. In this experiment, it even seemed to weigh on desire.

Why frequency changes over the course of a relationship

How often you have sex is not fixed. It changes with the relationship, family life and each person's health.

Early in a relationship

In the early days, sex is often more frequent. A German study that followed couples over time shows that the drop comes early in the relationship. However, moving in together or getting married does not significantly change how often couples have sex.

So this drop is a common stage, not necessarily a sign that love is fading. The same study notes that relationship quality also plays a part. That means looking after your bond day to day can matter too.

During pregnancy and with young children

In the same German study, sex is less frequent on average during pregnancy and while the couple have young children. It then picks up again. The study gives no precise timeframe: every couple has its own rhythm.

Looking after a baby can be tiring and stressful, and short nights leave little room for intimacy. It makes sense for desire to take a back seat for a while. If your desire does not return after a pregnancy and this weighs on you, talk to your doctor or gynaecologist.

Over the years

There is no expected frequency at 30, 40 or 60. With age, the body, health and priorities change, and the rhythm can change too. A sex life can continue at any age, at each person's own pace.

Tiredness, stress and health

Daily life weighs on this too. Tiredness, work stress, money worries, illness, pain or some medications can reduce desire. So can tension in the relationship. These causes often combine, for a few weeks or longer.

When you don't want sex at the same pace

This is a common situation. One of you would like to have sex more often, the other less. The European Society for Sexual Medicine (ESSM) has looked at this mismatch. Its 2020 position statement on desire discrepancy points out that it has been described as inevitable in long-term relationships.

It is not necessarily a disorder that needs treating. It is more a mismatch between two people. The person who wants sex less is not "the problem", and the person who wants it more is not the benchmark.

Being able to share your wishes and worries, on both sides, can help you live with this difference. That is why the conversation matters more than the number.

Consent first. No one should force themselves to please a partner or to "save" the relationship. Your partner should not insist, and neither should you. Sex happens because you both freely want it, and a no never needs justifying.

The person who wants sex more may also suffer from the lack of it, or feel rejected. Their feelings matter too. Saying no to sex is not saying no to the person.

How to talk about it together

Talking about how often you have sex can feel awkward. Yet silence often leaves each of you imagining the worst: "my partner doesn't want me any more", "I'm not good enough". A calm conversation helps clear the air.

Choose your moment. Avoid bed, the moment just after a no, or a tense evening. Go for a calm moment without screens: a walk, a journey, a meal.

Use "I" statements. Say what you feel rather than what your partner does. They will feel less accused. For example:

  • "I feel like we're not as close at the moment, and I miss that."
  • "I've been exhausted lately, and it's nothing to do with you."
  • "I'd like us to find a rhythm that works for both of us."

Talk about what you enjoy, not just the number. Rather than negotiating a figure, ask yourselves what feels good for each of you. A moment you both enjoy counts for more than one extra time in the week. For more on this, read our article on how to talk about your fantasies with your partner.

Stay affectionate with no goal in mind. Cuddling, massage, falling asleep close together: these gestures keep you close without having to lead to sex.

Protect your time together. A walk, an evening without phones: the idea is to reconnect outside the logistics of daily life.

Some couples also like to explore new sensations together, for example with a remote-controlled sex toy. It is one option among others, never an obligation.

💡 Solena tip

Rather than counting how often you have sex, sometimes ask each other: "Does this rhythm work for you and me?" If the answer is yes for you both, there is nothing to change.

💬 The right frequency is the one you can talk about together and that suits you both.

When should you talk to a professional?

Having a different rhythm from other people is not, in itself, a reason to see a professional. Outside advice becomes useful when the situation weighs on you.

Temporary changes in desire are common. In women, the medical definition of desire disorder in the MSD Manual (in French) sets two conditions. The situation lasts at least six months and causes distress. You do not need to wait that long to ask for help.

The UK health service (NHS) advises seeing a professional if your low desire worries you, or if your desire does not return after a pregnancy. You can also ask for advice if mismatched desire creates lasting tension, or if sex is painful.

Who to turn to

This article is for information only and does not replace advice from a health professional. Is low desire causing you distress, is sex painful, or is the situation weighing on your relationship? Talk to your doctor, your gynaecologist or a sexologist.

FAQ: your questions about how often couples have sex

How many times a week do couples have sex on average?

As far as we know, no Swiss average has been published for couples. In the canton of Geneva in 2017, the survey questioned people in a relationship or not. Among those who had sex in the past 12 months, 64% reported at least once a week and 36% less often. An average does not tell you what suits your relationship.

Is having sex once a week normal?

Yes, like many other rhythms. It is neither a norm nor a goal to reach. If this rhythm suits you both, there is nothing to change.

We have sex once a month: is that a problem?

Not in itself. In the canton of Geneva in 2017, the survey covered people in a relationship or not. Among those who had sex in the past 12 months, 16% reported once a month or less. It is only worth raising if it causes one of you distress.

How often do couples have sex at the start of a relationship?

There is no benchmark figure. In the early days, sex is often more frequent. A German study that followed couples over time observed that the drop comes early in the relationship. Moving in together or getting married did not significantly change how often they had sex.

Is it normal to have less sex in a relationship?

Yes, it is common. In a German study, frequency fell on average early in the relationship, then during pregnancy and with young children. Tiredness and stress also play a part. It is not necessarily a sign that love is disappearing.

Is it normal to stop having sex in a relationship?

Some couples live without sex and are fine with it, others find it hard. What matters is how you both feel. If not having sex weighs on you, talk about it together, then to a professional if needed. You can also read how long can a woman go without sex?

How often do couples with children have sex?

There is no benchmark figure. In a German study, sex was less frequent on average during pregnancy and while the children were young, then it picked up again. Tiredness and short nights can play a part.

How many times a week should you have sex at 40?

No frequency is expected at 40, or at any other age. As far as we know, no published Swiss data breaks down frequency by age. Averages found online do not necessarily describe couples in Switzerland. The right rhythm is the one that suits you both.

My boyfriend wants sex every day: what should I do?

Not wanting sex at the same pace is common, and no one is in the wrong. Talk about it at a calm moment, saying what you feel. You do not have to force yourself, and your partner should not insist. If the difference creates tension, a sexologist can help you both.

Article written by Léa Müller for Solena, a Swiss intimate wellness shop, based on the sources listed below. Learn more about Solena.

Sources and references

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